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10-08-03 - 3:17 p.m.

Reasons why my m'bation experience with Charlize Theron is preferable to sex

1.) Charlize Theron will not give me any diseases.

2.) I don't have to worry if I am pleasing Charlize Theron.

3.) Charlize Theron will not tell her friends.

4.) I don't have to worry if Charlize Theron loves me.

5.) I don't have to wonder if I am in love with Charlize Theron.

6.) I don't have to worry if it will be akward if I ever run into Charlize Theron in the halls.

7.) When times get tough, Charlize Theron will not call me and try to convince me she is in love.

8.) Charlize Theron and I don't have to try and just be friends afterwards.

9.) Charlize Theron doesn't care how my breath smells.

10.) Charlize Theron's angry ex-girlfriend will not come after me.

11.) Charlize Theron and I can see other people without guilt.

12.) I'm the one who comes every time.

Ok, well, I'm trying to convince myself. Really, I am.

 

 

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