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01-11-04 - 4:31 p.m.

I am at ANSU, the only place I'll have a computer. I hope it will be refreshing to hear me happy again.

I can't believe this idea even occured to Bat! The move was ... anxiety-creating, from worrying about how I would get along with Batto to fighting with my sister but I managed to bring most of what I wanted to and things turned out okay. At first it was extremely weird, we sat around each other and didn't say a word.

I made myself at home the best way I knew how -- I pulled him into bed. He told me I couldn't just cuddle without some sexual element being involved. So I took that as an invitation. And we had a long bout of unprotected sex with him artfully staying far from climax. We talked and we talked and he says "Everday we need some talking time." I bitched about my family -- about my sister's crazy insults, about my Dad saying "You ruined my life" to her and my Mom calling her a bad daughter. I said "I don't know if I could handle living with you, and you dating other girls." He said this is a crossroads for us -- I don't exactly know which path he's leaning towards.

After I went to my room, at two or three he knocked on the door just to tell me how happy he was that I was there. He told me he was ecstatic, and when he couldn't sleep, he asked to sleep with me. And when I couldn't sleep, it was like a sleepover. We played and joked, drunken with fatigue. He did a Bill Cosby voice, I sang "Bringing Home A Baby Bumblebee" we bit and tickled each other, and felt like playmates instead of lovers. We laughed and laughed and laughed . He said he wanted to stay up all night and "do something crazy" like shave his legs just to "prove that he doesn't have to stick to the confines of time". I made fun of him for that, and he knew it was silly.

After I woke up this morning, after I was done holding him and kissing him, I put on music and I worked up a holy sweat jumping around and shaking my hips to Leroy's new age drumbeat stuff, two stepping to Belle and Sebastian, then I cooled down stretching with a little yoga, yawning in the sun like a cat. I felt like the leads in West Side Story. Bat needs a song with his name in it. He made us smoothies for breakfast. Then we went downtown to use the computers and get books.

I know this is my moment. We might get sick of each other in a few days, for all I know. He warned me I would find out that in truth, he is very boring.

I smell sweet as lavender. I'm looking forward to making dinner. I feel like I'm on vacation. I could get used to this.



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