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02-01-04 - 11:54 p.m.

Visions of Democratic primaries are dancing in my head. I may be in denial, but I usually like to bawk when called a Democrat. Although I am more identifiably Democrat than anything, my philosophies will never completely fit the official (yet fickle) public policies of a political party. These parties, also, are "players" in the economic game, wheeling and dealing like the rest of Politica. Regardless of whether I consider myself a Democrat, I feel that in the end the election will be Democrat vs Bush, and I want to have some say in who I'm going to be voting for instead of Bush. I am finally becoming informed again and wondering "Where is our country possibly going?" I would also like to find a candidate I can endorse and help support because I really want to believe that defeating Bush is possible. I also want to believe that the primary candidates mean at least a good fifty percent of what they say, because I'm afraid of so many of the proposals and statements that have come out of Bush's mouth as of late, and I'm afraid that given the same circumstances those politicos might as well. I am especially angsty about the prospective size of the deficit (hitting the trillions?) and Bush's flirtation with the idea of an anti-gay marriage ammendment.

Where I live, Howard Dean seems to be the prime contender. More than a few months ago I paced around the park smoking cigarettes and socializing with the other ANSU liberals, most of which had no candidate they clearly supported. I waited past a bad guitarist and a "September 11th" rap in order to catch a glimpse of the man who I thought could be president some day. I was disappointed to find that a large portion of his speech was, predictably, "politican junk". You know, "I'm going to revamp America...blah blah blah equality blah blah education!" Lots of abstract concepts were thrown, lots of vague promises made. Since then, I've experienced a conflict between a carefully weighed political assessment and the fact that he kinda creeps me out on TV. I still maintain that he has a funny little "smirk" to him, which I call the "Grinch Who Stole Christmas Smile." He yells. He uses words like "harebrained". He gaffed on that "confederate flag" comment. I know that I should look to the issues for a candidate endorsement, but to some level my gut feelings do affect my support. I also dislike that he changed his opinion on the death penalty several times, suspiciously close to significant public happenings. But I read recently about civil unions, and Dean says "gay marriage", makes him "uncomfortable", although he ultimately supported civil unions. And to be honest, I'm PROUD of Dean that he, as an executive, can make decisions that make him uncomfortable but he knows are right. THAT's the kinda president I want, the one who pushes through to support civil rights and the constitution EVEN IF he feels a little hinky about it himself. Cause don't we all sometimes feel a little loathe about the "right thing?"

My next large consideration is Wesley Clark. First of all, he's General Wesley Clark, which obviously entails a giant package of issues. He is in the military, and I am a peace protester. I usually want downsizes, funding cuts, pulling out, solidarity.. But, despite pacifistic tendencies, we do have a rather hostile war climate going on, so I must ask myself: it it possible that we NEED someone with military intelligence? I hate to say it, but we very well might. Clark has expressed his opinion that we should have focused on Al-Q instead of Hussein, and I think just watching the recent news it's becoming evident that we have neglected Al-Q in our military choices. Clark is also opposed to pre-emptive strikes. These things lead me to believe that Clark could choose war when required, but would not get caught up in a spontaneous whirlwind of warmongering. Clark also has some very nifty ideas, such as a Civilian Reserves, in which people like you or I could be called on by the nation or the globe to serve non-militarily in a crisis. This would be a great alternative for those of us who do not enjoy the guns required to traditionally "serve one's country" but nonetheless would love to be available in times of need, to teach or translate or build. Clark is also pro-affirmative action, as far as I can tell pro-choice, and has expressed support of civil unions. To me, he looks like a man of presidential character, a tough ass but not an asshole.

So, I'm getting tired and will think about this more later. I thought that it would be good to give myself an oppurtunity to mentally return to the academic/intellectual track and stop counting the hours till my next kiss. I know that one day, even I may get sick of reading the dozens of entries going on about how wonderful HE is. I am getting girly about Valentine's Day and our relationship is at a definate peak. I've been getting those looks. You know, a mushy, grateful gaze that says "Oh you beautiful creature you." And I'm revelling...and trying to get it out of my system in the occasional odd paragraph and not an entire entry.



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