12-29-03 - 1:36 p.m.
I don't intend to ever screw Rez again after the last time, which demonstrates that to sexually educate him would be a fairly large project. Instead we have taken to talking, and he seems to consider me somewhat of a muse, educating him on his total lack of sexual consideration as well as the emotional iron curtain which has prevented him from dating anyone for over six weeks. I look forward to perhaps actually getting to know him, though I am not sure where to start.
Poor Dan called me on Christmas Eve, and I couldn't bear to outright turn him down but hint that I was going through a period of celibacy. I felt sorry for him spending the holidays alone, and even invited him over to play charades and eat roast.
Noah called me and we talked for twenty minutes about our respective secular holidays (and video games, too.) I would like to spend time with him as well, but do not want to insinuate a relationship without a future. He is cute enough, but there is some lack of true intellectual or emotional chemistry. Therefore the casual friendship we have seems appopriate.
It seems distressingly apparent that I am only worth calling if you think you can get with me, but the funny thing is, I care about all three of them to some level.
I got in contact with Brett through friendster. His profile and his friends on there indicate that he is throughly and absolutely gay, an unabashed Will and Grace, I Love Lucy, Wizard of Oz, Indigo Girls fan, and I look forward to seeing him after New Years. Approaching the topic of his coming out -- which fascinates me to no end -- will probably be completely taboo, and I may or may not breach it.
I also found Mary Lou on there, my old friend at EMU. I thought she had moved home to TN, but apparently she is back in the area at EMU and dating men. I find this a little funny due to the fact that she used to advocate things like keeping a select few men in cages to repopulate the male species (Anthony Hopkins, for example) and giving the rest a pill that would put them to sleep. She was militant lesbianism embodied; she frequently suggested I was a closet lesbian because she could sense my interest in Cake and did not believe in bisexuality. Her school comes back January 15th and I Look forward to hopefully sitting with her at Waffle House drinking multiple cups of coffee while she smokes in my (then quit) face.
Doors has been quite fond of me online, and is discussing again the possibility of me visiting. It doesn't hurt that our conversation is full of sexual innuendo, but he still seems to genuinely appreciate me otherwise in ways no one else seems to. If he were here, and I knew him, he could quite possibly be a soulmate of mine. We share the same cynical existential thoughts, the same adolescent past of rejection, a love for The Cure and Super Nintendo. It's charmingly refreshing to know you can make someone laugh: when I am talking to him, I am so confident that I begin to laugh myself. Doors is also a good backup masturbation fantasy; there is still a lot that I could teach him, and contrary to how I feel about Rez, I think I would love to teach him. Perhaps it is the humility and excitement with which he approaches the topic. Or the fact that he's the cutest ever.
On that note, if anyone is on friendster, I have a separate profile for this diary -- first name Amy, second name Poetica. The picture I'm gonna put up is kinda crazy (and don't tell anyone) but it isn't me.
